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A recent event which I attended brought out so many thoughts about relationships, the ones we have inherited or in a grandeur level, our birth right? The ones that come as a package since birth - our family ties. This is a fascinating and often misunderstood world of relationships.
In many Asian cultures (collective cultures), the idea of family and blood connections runs deep. But what if I told you that healthy relationships, regardless of whether they're blood-related, can be your ticket to happiness, fulfilment, and growth?
Well, grab a good cuppa coffee or tea, and let's talk about why we don't always need blood-related connections, especially when they're not healthy.
Family vs. Quality Connections
Family is often considered the anchor of society. The concept of unconditional love and lifelong commitment to our family is deeply ingrained. But here's the catch: while family can indeed provide support and love, it doesn't guarantee that these bonds are inherently healthier or more reliable than non-biological connections.
The idea of straying from these family ties may be daunting, even disagreeing because we were brought up to place blood ties before others. The family: be it the immediate or the relatives have a higher place on the relational hierarchy for many people. This seed was sowed years back and as children, we grew up carrying that notion into adulthood until something uncomforable happens which gave us that feeling of unease but it was difficult to put a pin on it. We might not even be aware of such impact on us. Question of missed match of expectations, and the mutuality of actions and intentions. There is an imbalance in reciprocacies which threw us off balance.
So, how does a healthy relationship should feel like or looked like?
Healthy relationships thrive on trust, mutual respect, and the genuine desire to support one another. They offer a safe space for personal expression, growth, and flourishing. On the flip side, unhealthy family dynamics can be laden with emotional abuse, manipulation, and a sense of obligation that can leave you feeling trapped.
We must remember that our happiness, well-being, and personal growth should take precedence. Healthy connections, regardless of blood ties, can be the key to nurturing our individuality and emotional wellness.
The Beauty of Chosen Relationships
Asian (collective) cultures often emphasize the importance of maintaining relationships, respecting elders, attending family reunions even though there were little or close to none meaningful connections made in the course of time. These are times when we need to remember that it's not just about quantity; it's about quality.
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Friendships, mentorships, and romantic relationships—these are the chosen relationships that can significantly enrich our lives. They provide the agency to select our companions, people who genuinely value us and align with our values and dreams.
Choosing your connections empowers you to invest time and energy into those who uplift, inspire, and bring out the best in you. The freedom to decide whom you allow into your life can lead to deeper, more authentic, and harmonious relationships.
Not All Blood Ties Are Created Equal
Consider this: being related by blood doesn't ensure compatibility or healthy relationships. In many cases, the shared genetic code has little to do with shared interests, values, or personalities.
Differences within a family can often lead to strained relationships, and the pressure to maintain these connections can be overwhelming. In some instances,we are compelled to hold on to family members who may not share their values or who engage in destructive behaviors. This emotional burden can result in unhealthy, even toxic, relationships and a considerable amount of distress. Recognizing that a shared gene pool doesn't guarantee a healthy or loving relationship is an essential step towards prioritizing healthy connections over blood ties.
Building Your Chosen Family
For anyone who've experienced challenging or toxic family relationships, the concept of a "chosen family" can be a lifeline. A chosen family consists of individuals who provide the love, support, and understanding that you may not have found within your biological family. Image by freepik
These relationships are often based on shared values, mutual respect, and a strong bond forged through shared experiences. Creating a chosen family can be a healing and transformative process. It enables you to surround yourself with people who see you for who you are, accept you without judgment, and support your personal growth and well-being. This sense of belonging can be as powerful, if not more so, than the bonds formed within a biological family.
It may come as unnatural to be seek out our own "chosen family", but it is worth the effort and empowering knowing these are the people I choose to spend my time with on my own accord. How does that sound like for you?
The Art of Setting Boundaries
No matter the nature of your relationships, maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. Boundaries create a safe, respectful, and balanced environment for any connection to flourish.
Sometimes, setting boundaries with family members can be particularly challenging due to ingrained expectations of unconditional loyalty. However, it's important to recognise that healthy
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boundaries are not only acceptable but necessary for personal growth and well-being. We do overlooked our core values in the good intention of maintaning the status quo. However, this could lead to future disappointments and burnt out from giving in too much.
Chosen relationships often involve setting and respecting boundaries, as they are built on mutual respect and understanding. When you can openly communicate your needs and expectations, you foster trust and emotional safety within your relationships. This, in turn, leads to stronger, more respectful, and more fulfilling connections.
Prioritising Healthy Connections
In our journey through life, we encounter a diverse array of individuals who impact our hearts and minds. While family relationships are undoubtedly important, it's important to prioritise the quality of these connections over the mere fact of shared blood.
Healthy relationships, whether with family members or chosen connections, are founded on respect, trust, and a shared commitment to one another's well-being. When we encounter toxic or unhealthy relationships within our families, we have the right to distance ourselves and create chosen relationships that nurture our growth and happiness.
Ultimately, our lives are a reflection of the people we choose to surround ourselves with. By cultivating healthy, supportive connections, we can navigate the complexities of life with grace, resilience, and a profound sense of fulfillment. The message is clear: blood may tie us, but healthy relationships define us
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